Whiskey Lullabies
by spazzgirl
Summary: she had refused to believe it, his presence no longer there. Romanogers angst. Sequel to "Take My Heart As You're Leaving."


**Whiskey Lullabies**

 **Back at it with angst!**

 **Damn, I should try to steer away from angst for a bit XD. Anyways this is a sequel to "Take My Heart As You're Leaving," I was inspired by the song "Whiskey Lullabies" by Janet Devlin, which you all should listen to while reading this.**

 **The premise of the story takes right after the events of Civil War, and yes there are spoilers to those who haven't read the comics. Like me I haven't read it, but I do know what happens during Civil War.**

 **I MAKE NO PROMISES OF ANYTHING HAPPY!**

 **Summary:** _she had refused to believe it, his presence no longer there._

 **Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of any characters used**

 **ENJOY!**

 _Song used: Whiskey Lullabies by Janet Devlin_

 _Recommend? Yes while reading_

 _Emptiness_

That's all Natasha Romanoff felt at the moment.

 _Nothing_

 _Broken_

 _A shell of what she used to be_

She gripped the bottle of whiskey in her hand. It was Steve's favorite brand and the drink they had taken together as their night as newlyweds. After she was done doing her job as the double agent, Steve had forgiven her after he found out the things she had done for him. The two were secretly dating during the whole SRA ordeal and had even eloped. Instead of drinking champagne like newlyweds do, they ended up drinking Steve's favorite whiskey.

Tears were falling down her face as her mind was recalling memories of them together. Natasha had refused to believe that her husband was gone.

 _Dead_

Each night, she hoped that she would wake up and everything was just a nightmare. That Steve would be on his side of their bed, holding her against his strong chest, and cuddling. His warmth enveloping her like a warm safety blanket. He would whisper comforting words in her ear each time she'd get a nightmare. But sadly this nightmare was real and it would never go away.

 _And he would never come back_

Somehow, Steve had ended up getting shot in the chest. It all happened to fast, but Natasha could recall seeing his body slowly falling to the ground. Her voice was hoarse after she screamed, seeing her lover fall down and die. His fading blue eyes still glowing as he stared at her and whispered his last confession of love to her. The tears wouldn't stop flowing as she held him gently against her chest. She recalled how she tried to fight off the paramedics, trying to take Steve's dead body away from her. Her mind replaying how they called his death and how she cursed the world and everyone as her husband was claimed dead.

The master spy knew that Clint blamed himself as well. Saying that after Steve's death, he didn't deserve being called Hawkeye, because he didn't see the sniper on top of the roof. Natasha knew she wasn't the only one hurting. Bucky was hurting as well, after he regained back all his memories, he isolated himself as he lost a brother he had just got back. Though Bucky tried his best to comfort the red haired woman, only to fail instead.

So Natasha did what she did best when nothing worked and turned to alcohol as her source of comfort. Sometimes she'd dreamed of Steve waking her up with soft butterfly kisses. Or how she'd imagine him holding her close and sing a lullaby his mother used to sing to him when he was young. She would remember how Steve promised to get her a house with a white picket fence and how she laughed at that promise, but still smiled and playfully warned him that he had better keep that promise.

She whimpered softly at how much it hurt to remember the good times she had with Steve. Sure they were married for a short time, but every day that they were together made up for lost times. Every now and then, her eyes would look at the door of their apartment and hoped that he would walk through the door. Give her that boyish grin of his and apologize for hurting her, and then he'd promise to make it up to her by making her favorite dish or giving her a bouquet of her favorite flowers.

Her heart was hurting, aching, yearning for her soulmate to come back. Nat had always believed love was for children, but the love Steve had for her was real. Everything about him was real and that was what made her love him more than she already did. It wasn't fair that fate took him away from her. The moment he died, she felt like she had lost a part of herself that day. Natasha felt like she would no longer be the same person ever again.

Every night she would call out Steve's name, her nightmares were always about his death and how he hurt when she betrayed him. She would wake up with dried tear stains or in the middle of a nightmare, she'd wake up screaming. The super soldier was her safety, he was her light when her dreams got dark.

Nat let out a chocked sob as she took another swig of the whiskey bottle in her hand.

"Steve," she whimpered, "Steve please come back."

The tears wouldn't stop falling and her body was shaking. A scream escaped her throat and threw the bottle of whiskey across the living room. Shaking hands buried themselves into her messy fiery locks and cried. She cried so much that night that she ended up passed on the couch.

" _Nat."_

 _She blinked and saw a blur, "Steve?" Her eyes blurry. "Is that you?"_

"Natalia wake up," instead of seeing blond she saw brunette. Natasha let out a groan and Bucky helped her slowly sit up. "Easy Natalia," he looked around and frowned as he saw the broken whiskey bottle. "The hell were you thinking? Drinking so much?"

"Shut up Barnes," she growled but then moaned as her head began to throb. Normally it took a lot more for her to get a hangover. "I don't need you to coddle me."

"Yeah right," he rolled his eyes and handed her a cup of water alongside two aspirins, "here take these."

Mumbling a thanks, she took the aspirins and downed the glass of water to swallow the pills.

"You need to take better care of yourself Natalia."

"Wish you'd stop calling me that."

Bucky snorted, "Yeah and I wish you grew up."

He knew that Natasha was having a hard time coping with Steve's death, but at the moment she couldn't keep acting the way she did.

"You need to stop drinking Natalia."

"I kept help it James," she could feel the tears coming back, "I'm sick of crying but I can't, I can't let go of the fact that my husband's _dead_!"

"I'm hurting too Natalia!" He balled his fists. "You don't think I don't know what you're going through?! How much pain you're feeling?! I know exactly how you feel! The moment I get back my memories, the moment I go back to being the same Bucky that Steve remembers, I lose him! I ended up losing a man I called a brother." His eyes soften. "But I know turning to drinking won't help solve anything. I accepted the fact that Steve won't return home." Bucky crouched down in front of Natasha and gently took her hands into his own. "But you also have to understand that you need to keep living on, not only for Steve but for the child you carry too."

It was a few days after Steve's death that Natasha learned she was pregnant with his child. She only told Clint and Bucky about her pregnancy. The two promised to keep it all a secret, Clint having a family of his own to take care of, Bucky made it his responsibility to look after her.

"It's just so hard, to go through all of this without Steve." The red haired sniffled a bit.

Bucky smiled at her, "Yeah and that punk would have been jumping for joy knowing that his super sperm managed to knock you up."

Natasha let out a soft laugh. "Yeah he would have." A small smile graced her lips, she could imagine how happy Steve would have been had he been alive.

She could imagine the look of pure happiness on his face and how he would act like a worried mother hen around her.

 _XXXXXXXXX_

" _If it's a boy, let's call him James."_

" _Why am I not surprised you would want to call your son that?" She glared at the super soldier. "And what makes you think that it'll be a boy?"_

 _Steve shrugged, "I don't know." He placed a gentle kiss on her lips and rubbed the growing bump. "How about if it's a girl, we call her Anastasia?"_

" _Seriously?"_

" _Why not? I mean you love that movie, so I thought it would be a good idea."_

 _Natasha couldn't help but smile lovingly at her husband, "Sounds like a perfect name."_

 _Steve grinned at her, "I love you."_

" _I love you too." The two soon to be parents cuddled on the couch in complete bliss._

 **END**

 **Oh look at that, I made myself cry.**

 **So I originally wasn't going to have Nat be pregnant here, but it ended up writing itself and somehow found its in this one-shot. Like dude wtf?**

 **I wanted to have Bucky end up comforting Nat, seeing as he was a brother to Steve and would take the role of looking after her.**


End file.
